I spent years figuring out things on my own… I would work for hours solving a "problem" on my own when I could have solved it in minutes by asking someone for help. As time ticked on, I did make some progress on this front…
When I was pregnant I worked as the "Administrative Assistant for Membership and Section Services" at a non-profit company. One of my tasks was to send out welcome packages to new members. When I had some down time I would get these welcome packages together so that they would be ready when new people joined the membership. I had to put a current magazine in the welcome packet. I was about 7 months pregnant and needed to get a large stack of these magazines to put in the packets. I thought about it for a minute and I decided to use my chair on wheels as a cart. So, I wheeled my chair into the store room and stacked the magazines on this chair and pushed it back to the cubical where I was going to put the packets together. One of my coworkers would get so upset with me and tell me to ask her to help me. I didn't understand at the time why she would get so upset but now I get it… She said that if I needed help just to ask but she wanted to help me, she wanted me to ask for her help. She wanted me to trust her enough to show her my vulnerability. I was stubborn. I can do it myself! That was my unspoken motto. I didn't need her help.
The point is, people like to help! I love helping people… So, why wouldn't other people love helping me? I can think of no reason! If you are struggling then ask for help. It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of wisdom. It is more efficient and you will feel better about yourself if you just ask!
Here's a more recent example of what I am talking about. When I was teaching Calculus for the first time in the spring of 2007, I had a problem that I couldn't figure out. Now, I am a teacher and I know that I will remember something better if I do it on my own, so I worked and worked and worked… I searched through books that I had and I searched online and I couldn't find the answer. So, I broke down and emailed my mentor (who is an AMAZING person and a great teacher). I actually told her how I thought I should solve the problem and asked if this was correct. Then I worked even harder to find the answer like I was trying to beat her email. I wanted to figure it out by myself. I needed to figure it out on my own to prove to myself and all of those doubters (yes, there were many math teachers at my school that doubted my ability to teach calculus) that I was qualified to teach Calculus. So, I did figure it out before I read her response.
Funny thing about this… I always tell my students that they should trust their instincts. I also tell them that it is incredibly important to be resourceful especially in this day and age. I tell them that they need to know where to look to find an answer that they do not know. Apparently, I don't practice what I preach. First, my instincts were correct… I knew how to solve the problem but I was holding myself back for fear of doing the problem incorrectly. Silly, I know. It's not like I couldn't try it again a different way if I was incorrect... But... I hate being wrong. I also tell my students and my daughter that the mistakes we make are sooooo important because that's one of the BEST ways to learn. I was afraid to make mistakes. I still am afraid to make mistakes but I am getting better about that too. :)
Okay, now about being resourceful. I consider myself to be quite resourceful. I am the person that other people come to for help on all kinds of things… I may not know the answer but I almost always know where to find it. So, I knew where to find the answer… just ask my amazing mentor! She would have loved to help, she was always asking me what I needed from her but I'm a big girl and I can do it all by myself. I'm 30 years old and acting like a toddler. Just ask. It's that simple. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of wisdom. Knowing when to reach out to others that are completely willing to assist. We are all in this together and we need each other. I am so used to being the one with the answers that when I don't know the answer I get stubborn. I can do it myself! Come to think of it, my parents tell stories of how I was late talking because my sister used to speak for me all of the time. My mom talks of "clearing a path" for my sister and I and how she wishes she wouldn't have done it so much. So, maybe this is where my not asking for help came from but that's in the past. Now is the moment that matters, right?! So, if I need help, I'm going to ask! If I'm struggling, I'm going to reach out to other people to help lift me up. I can't always be the one with the answers and that's okay. We need each other. It is that simple.
